I know that even if I write in this journal everyday it wont be like telling it to a real person but the most thing that i hate about not telling anyoneis that my feelings are still traped in my mind in my heart. Nothing is the same now that I have this journal but that doesnt mean tht I have to change does it? Either way I see it I am hiding my feelings from my love and i makes my heart break. I hate to hid secrets from but its the only way to protect him. I have the most darket thoughts and I have the most evil habits that I would not anyone to have to know. I long for the life of an normal person. And that is why I chose to be with Jerry because he is giving me a life to live for andever time we get to be together it changes me. I dont feel the sorrow that I use to but I feel the happiness that a life can give you.